Okay, I think perhaps I'm starting to get a sense of what a blog is and what it isn't.
It doesn't seem to be a place to write a book, cover a topic in depth, or even - as I recently discovered - to have the last word on a subject.
It seems to be a good place for sharing a journey - thoughts and musings that are immediate and personal but not necessarily fully developed. A place to begin a jigsaw puzzle without a box and invite others to add pieces - to discover the picture together...
With that in mind, I offer a recent musing. Who among us does not have a close friend or family member who has been hurt by a brother or sister in the faith? As I was speaking to the Lord about this today, He took me back to some memories from when my kids were younger. Although the parents among us will more readily relate, I pray that the Holy Spirit imparts to everyone who reads this a revelation of the heart of God on this matter.
There is nothing that grieves the heart of a parent more than when their children treat each other badly. There was a time when I was convinced that my older son had ruined any chance he had to be friends with his younger - adoring - brother as a result of repeated thoughtless and occasionally intentionally cruel words and actions. Those two currently have a wonderful relationship - praise God! (although somehow my younger son apparently has not yet made the connection regarding his treatment of his younger sister.) The memory that I felt the urge to share was of an interaction with a hurting child. This is not so much one specific memory as it is an overview of the situation from a spiritual perspective.
My child comes to me intentionally wronged. He is hurt and angry. He wants me to do something. He wants justice. (Basically, he wants me to hurt his brother back.) Now, I love my wounded son very much. I hate to see him in emotional or physical pain. Do I react or respond? Do I go smack my other son and say "that's what you get."?
(Pause here for a minute and ask yourself if that is what you expect from God when you sin. For a long time I did.)
The truth is, if I were to do that I would not be representing the heart of God to my children. Now, before I go further, let me say that there is plenty of scripture to support the fact that there are consequences to our actions. But those consequences are designed by God not to crush us, but to refine us. To teach us the better way. To improve our relationships with each other and with Him.
Back to my child. How do I handle his heart? First I comfort him. I remind him how much I love him. I let him know how sorry I am that he was treated badly. Perhaps I grieve with him. I assure him that I will deal with his brother, even if it isn't in the way that he thinks I should. Then when he is calm and able to hear it, I share some truth with him. Truth that he may not want to hear, or even be ready to accept, but truth nonetheless, spoken in love, that has the potential of bringing about the purposes of God - true healing and reconciliation. The truth is that his brother does love him, and I love them both. The truth is that we all hurt each other because our fallen nature is selfishness. I gently remind him of times that he has done things that he is sorry for. I remind him that he loves his brother and try to get him to release his brother through forgiveness. (The next step for me as a parent is to deal with the other child, but that's a topic for another day.)
As I write this, scripture after scripture is firing off in my brain. If anyone wants the references, let me know. Our Father God desires that we grow up and stop the infighting. His will is for us to extend the same mercy and grace to the household that we do to the rest of the world. As Jesus did, we are called to release expectations, and lay down our rights. This means deciding to forgive even if we are never asked. This means praying for the Holy Spirit to open the eyes of those who wrong us, not for our sakes, but for the sake of their eternal lives.
To those who are reading this and think that it is a difficult, if not impossible standard to attain, I leave you with a story. Our first house was in Louisiana, in a starter house neighborhood. To give you a picture, the lots were 60' x 100', the houses were one of 5 designs, occasionally reversed for variety, 1600-1800 square feet, separated by 6' wooden privacy fences. It was not a neighborhood that anyone intentionally planned to stay in for long. To this day, I thank God for our neighbors across the street. The husband, James, set a high bar for the neighborhood. His grass was always watered and fertilized. His yard was always mowed and edged. His flower beds were neat and weed free. There was never a burned out light bulb on his porch. He painted his house before it seemed to need it. He stewarded that home as if it were the mansion they later moved into. Can you see where I'm going with this? There were about 40 homes on our street. Ours were toward the middle. Thanks to the example and standard that James set, our section of the street always looked better than any other part of the neighborhood. The farther you got away from James' house in either direction, the less cared for the property looked. By the way, no one - including us - ever matched, let alone exceeded, James' efforts, but as long as he lived there many of us tried.
Our standard is found in the Word of God in the example of Jesus. Jesus is not apologetic about setting a high standard. The good news is that He doesn't expect any of us to always meet it. He knows that isn't possible. What He does expect is that we try. That we aim higher. That we lift our vision. As soon as we take the first step - sometimes as soon as we decide to take the first step - He meets us with the help we need to succeed. Let's stop being satisfied with good enough. Let's shoot for that high standard ourselves and encourage our "neighbors" to do the same. Let's dare to love each other outrageously, ridiculously, undeservedly, because that's how our God loves us! What would that look like?!